☻Getting
married is very much like going to a restaurant with
friends. You order what you want, and when you see
what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered
that.
☻Love
is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm
clock.
☻Q:
Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
A: They're hard to get started, emit foul odors, and
don't work half the time!
☻Husband
to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage licence?
Wife to Husband: I'm looking for a loophole
☻The
definition of a perfect Wife? - one who helps the
husband with the dishes...
☻The
Minister noticed the bride was in distress so asked
what was wrong. She replied that she was awfully
nervous and afraid she would not remember what to do.
The Minister told her that she only needed to remember
3 things.
First the aisle, cos that is what you'll be walking
down.
Secondly, the alter because that is where you will
arrive.
Finally, remember hymn because that is a type of song
we will sing during the service.
While the bride was walking in step with the wedding
march, family and friends of the groom were horrified
to hear her repeating these 3 words
...Aisle, alter hymn (I'll alter him)
☻Men
are like chocolate bars.... sweet, smooth, and they
usually head right for your hips.
☻A
little kid asks his Dad, "Daddy, how much does it cost
to get married?"
"No idea," replied the Father, "I'm still paying for
it..."
☻There
was this lover who said that he would go through hell
for her. They got married - now he is going through
Hell!!!
☻I've
got a good friend who married a Doctor.
One day he told her: "You need to do something to
spice up our love-making".
Soon thereafter, he came home and found her in bed
with another man who is also an M.D.
"Why?" asked her husband. "You said I needed to do
something to spice up our love-making;
I just wanted to get a Second Opinion", she replied...
☻Q:
Why do brides wear white?
A: To blend in with everything else in the kitchen.
☻One
day a man inserted an 'advert' in the local
classifieds: "Wife wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said
the same thing: "You can have mine."
☻What
makes men chase women they have no intention of
marrying? -
Well, it's the same urge that makes dogs chase cars
they have no intention of driving
☻Marriage
- an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor's
Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
☻After
a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You
know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied: "Yes, dear, but I was in love and
didn't notice it."
☻I
was married by a judge. I should have asked for a
jury. - Groucho Marx
☻I've
sometimes thought of marrying, and then I've thought
again. - Noel Coward
☻Behind
every great man there is a surprised woman. - Maryon
Pearson
☻The
most happy marriage I can imagine to myself would be
the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. - S. T.
Coleridge
☻A
man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he
is finished. - Zsa Zsa Gabor
☻A
good marriage would be between a blind wife and a deaf
husband. - Michel de Montaigne
☻Marriage
changes passion ... suddenly you're in bed with a
relative. - Unknown
☻Love
is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm
clock.
☻Can
you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of
happy, fat women. - Marion Smith
☻There's
a way of transferring funds that is even faster than
electronic banking. It's called marriage. - James Holt
McGavran
☻The
man who says his wife can't take a joke, forgets that
she took him - Oscar Wilde
☻An
archaeologist is the best husband a woman can have.
The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
- Agatha Christie
☻Marriage
is give and take. You'd better give it to her or
she'll take it anyway. - Joey Adams
☻A
husband's last words should always be 'OK buy it'.
☻They
say marriages are made in Heaven. But so is thunder
and lightning. - Clint Eastwood
☻There's
only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I
learn what it is I'll get married again. - Clint
Eastwood
☻The
most dangerous food a man can eat is wedding cake -
Unknown.
☻A
coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. -
Marvin Kitman
☻Marriage
is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in
an institution? - Groucho Marx
☻After
marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin;
they just can't face each other, but still they stay
together. - Hemant Joshi
☻A
man's wife has more power over him than the state has.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
☻The
secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. - Henry
Youngman
☻Give
a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you. - Mae
West
☻The
trouble with some woman is that they get all excited
about nothing, and then marry him - Cher
☻I
never knew what real happiness was until I got
married. And by then it was too late. - Max Kauffmann
☻I
never married because I have three pets at home that
answer the same purpose as a husband. I have a dog
that growls every morning, a parrot that swears all
afternoon and a cat that comes home late at night. -
Marie Corelli
☻I
require only three things of a man. He must be
handsome, ruthless and stupid. - Dorothy Parker
☻When
a man steals your wife there is no better revenge than
to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry
☻Keep
your eyes wide open before marriage, and half-shut
afterwards. - Benjamin Franklin
☻Many
a man owes his success to his first wife and his
second wife to his success. - Jim Backus
☻By
all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be
happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a
philosopher. - Socrates
☻A
husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve
is extracted - Helen Rowland
☻Marriage
has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for,
go live with a car battery. - Erma Bombeck
☻All
tragedies are finished by a death, all comedies by a
marriage. - Lord Byron
☻Some
people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take
time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little
candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes
Tuesdays, I go Fridays. - Henry Youngman
☻Marriage
is an adventure, like going to war. - G. K. Chesterton
☻My
wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now
and then she stops to breathe. - Jimmy Durante
☻I
haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to
interrupt her. - Rodney Dangerfield
☻I
like to wake up each morning feeling a new man. - Jean
Harlow
☻Marriage
is like pi - natural, irrational, and very important.
- Lisa Hoffman
☻To
the bride and groom - may we all be invited to your
golden wedding celebrations...
☻To
the NewlyWeds: May 'for better or worse' be far better
than worse.
☻To
the 2 secrets of a long lasting and happy marriage
...Here's to good sense of humor and a short memory!
☻Grooms,
once you marry, please remember that when you have a
discussion with your future wife, always try to get
the last two words in: "Yes dear"
☻You
know, the trouble with being the best man at a wedding
is that you never get to actually prove it.
☻May
the best of your past be the worst of your future
☻Married
life has many Ups and Downs...May most of yours be
between the sheets!
☻May
the joys you share today, be the beginning of a
lifetime of great happiness and fulfilment
☻To
our wives and lovers...may they never meet!
☻Congratulations
on the termination of your isolation and may I express
an appreciation of your determination to end the
desperation and frustration which has caused you so
much consternation in giving you the inspiration to
make a combination to bring an accumulation to the
population.
☻May
you grow old on one pillow.
☻Dear
[bride's name],
☻Isn't
it quite funny how History repeats itself?
[Bride's Age] years ago your Mother and Father were
putting you to bed with a dummy...and now it's
happening all over again
☻I've
known many,
Liked not a few,
Loved only one,
I toast to you
☻Here's
to the bride - may she share everything with her
husband...and that includes the housework.
☻To
the Bride and Groom - may the roof above you never
fall in and may you both never fall out
☻To
the Bride and Groom - live life to the fullest and
remember, this is the first day of the rest of your
life...
☻To
my wife...my bride...my joy
☻May
your joys be as deep as the Ocean, and your troubles
as light as its foam.
☻May
we never forget what is worth remembering or remember
what is best forgotten.
☻A
thing of beauty is a joy forever. Here's to you, my
beautiful bride.
☻May
our children be blessed with rich parents
☻Here's
to my bride: she knows everything about me, yet loves
me just the same.
