☻What kind of children do you get using a yellow condom ? ................... NONE ! you stupid !
 

☻Why does a nun never wears a bra ? ............ God supports everything...
 

☻If a pen is mightier than a sword and a photo more powerful than a thousand words, how dangerous –can a fax be ?
 

☻What happens when you got scared twice half-dead ?
 

☻When a schizophrenic threatens to commit suicide are we talking of hostageship?
 

☻What is the velocity of the darkness ?
 

☻Why do fortune-tellers first ask your name?
 

☻How do you know when you run out of invisible ink ?
 

☻When you strangle a smurf, what colour does he get ?
 

☻Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? They all have a phone!
 

☻What happens when the earth turn 30 times faster?...You get your salary every day and all women bleed dead!!!
 

☻when is a man worth some money??................When he pushes a trolley
 

☻Why did the statue of liberty have to be a woman?The head had to be hollow to make a restaurant in it!
 

☻Why is a false eye made of glass?.....To look through.
 

☻Why does beer contain female hormones ? ... When you drink too much of it, you cannot say anything sensible any more, you start to nag and you are no longer able to drive a car.
 

☻How is an intelligent woman called? ....................... A transvestite
 

☻It has 50 teeth and it holds back or stops a terrible monster? ................... My fly!
 

☻When do you know you are overweight? .... When you are sunbathing on the beach and a Greenpeace-activist tries to roll you back into the sea.
 

☻Why did God create the man first and only afterwards the woman? .... To give him the chance to enjoy heaven on earth for just a few moments.
 

☻Why are men like sperm cells? ...... Only one out of a million is useful.
 

☻Why are men happy when they finish a puzzle in two months time..... Because the box says : 3 till 5 years.
 

☻Why can a man not be handsome and intelligent at the same time? .... Because he would be a woman then.
 

☻Why are men like a toothbrush? .... They are useless without handle.
 

☻Why are men like snails? ..... They have horns, they slobber and they trudge along, and above all, they think the house is theirs.
 

☻What happens when a man is in the water up till his navel ? ...... That is beyond his comprehension.
 

☻Why do have so many men a beer gut? ..... Than at least an unemployed dwarf has a roof over his head.
 

☻The ressemblance of a man and a cup of coffee? ..... They both get on the nerve.
 

☻What is the difference between a woman and a fridge? a fridge does not moan when there is meat inside
 

☻It is round and orange and says:"I am an orange, I am an orange"? .................. a mandarin who thinks big
 

☻What is the difference between a washing machine and a teacher? a washing machine runs on batteries and a teacher gets on the nerves.
 

☻What is the difference between a battery and a woman? ...... A battery has also a positive side.
 

☻why do have men bandy legs? ......... all unimportant matters are between brackets
 

☻How does a dummy catch a rabbit? ... He sits behind a tree and imitates the sound of a carrot.
 

☻Why does a stupid blond girl never swim on her belly? ... When she feels something wet she turn on her back.
 

☻It is white and it stands in the corner? ....... A punished fridge
 

☻What is ressemblance between a man and a dolphin? They both seem intelligent, but it has not been proven yet!!!
 

☻Why did God create the man first and only then the woman? ...... Everyone makes a draft first!!!
 

☻Why do men exist ? Because dildos cannot mow the lawn.
 

☻Why do women not have a penis ? ......... That comes together with the brains.
 

☻Why do women have legs ? ...... Otherwise there will be traces of mucus on the kitchen floor.
 

☻Why the trolleys were invented ? ........ To learn women to walk on their hind legs.
 

☻What do you do when your mother-in-law is walking in the garden? ...... Shoot again.

 

☻Why does one do some peanut butter on his condom? ...... That makes him big and strong.
 

☻Why do the number of traffic accidents with stupid blond girls increase at April 1st? ..... When the traffic light is read they think it is a joke
 

☻If Adam and Eve were so beautiful, how come that there are so many ugly people ?
 

☻When a store is open 24 hours a day and 365 days a year, why is there a lock on the door ?
 

☻When you are not supposed to drive a car when you have been drinking, why do bars have a parking lot ?
 

☻When swinning is good for the development of our arms and legs, why do fish not have arms and legs ?
 

☻Blackmail: "When you do not give me the raise I will tell everyone you did give me one."
 

☻The black box of the plane is indestructible, why do they not make the plane of the same material ?
 

☻One out of 4 marriages ends in a divorce, what do the other marriages end in ?
 

☻How does the driver of a gritting vehicle go to work in the morning ?
 

☻How do you call a woman who looses 90% of her intelligence ??.................................a widow !!!!!
 

☻Do they have a coffee break at the tea factory ?
 

☻Does a liar lies when he says he says he is telling a lie ?
 

☻What do you prefer in the hereafter?...........Smoking or non-smoking area.
 

☻Where are the first 6 up's ?
 

☻Why does a kamikaze wear a helmet ?
 

☻Why does an answering machine never gives an answer when I ask something ?
 

☻Why do you always find one shoelon the streets ?
 

☻Why do we call apartements apartements when they are all connected to one another ?
 

☻Why can you buy sigarettes in a gaz station where it is forbidden to smoke ?
 

☻Why are you behind a computer, while in fact you are sitting in front of the screen ?
 

☻why are there life jackets in airplanes and no parachutes ?
 

☻What do the military do in a civil war ?
 

☻What is more easy for a man to make, a boy or a girl ? ...........a girl.....there is an example in front of him
 

☻What do sheep count when they want to sleep ?
 

☻What does a butterfly feel when he is in love?
 

☻What whish would stars make when they saw falling people.
 

☻Who invented milking cows and what did he think when he started doing it ?